Devil You Know Read online

  “Are you using a new hair product, Thea? I don’t know that I’ve ever seen hair quite that full before,” Taylor called from her locker, loud enough a few kids passing by snickered.

  “Full enough for small animals to get lost in.” Brittany was a sidekick. She never had an original thought. Her only skill was to parrot off others.

  Yes, my hair was a bit unruly with spiral curls but I liked it. It wasn’t frizzy, except during times of high humidity where it morphed into a terrifying sight, it was just curly. I ignored them and continued to swap out my books.

  “I’d suggest you cut it, but then it’ll stick out all over your head. Maybe you should wear a hat.”

  Taylor used a flat iron on her blonde tresses. Every strand was in perfect place. I’d like a minute alone with her flat iron and her perfect blonde hair.

  “I don’t know that they make hats big enough for all that.” Brittany’s laugh sounded more like a cackle. Her dig wasn’t even funny; it was an observation and a stupid one at that. I wasn’t even getting bullied by clever repartee.

  I sensed the change in the air before I heard Taylor’s sharp inhale. Seconds later my entire body grew warm, and since there was only one person who could get a reaction like that from me, I knew Damian was close. I didn’t realize how close until I closed my locker and saw him leaning against them. He didn’t say anything, just stared, and that was okay with me because I couldn’t form a thought even if I wanted to. He then reached for a curl and rubbed the strands between his fingers. It took me longer than it should have to realize what he was doing and my heart just melted in my chest. He was defending me, without speaking a word he was calling out my tormentors. I fell just a little bit in love with him in that moment.

  The bell rang. Damian playfully tugged on the strand he still held, then winked and walked off. How I wanted to walk off with him, find an empty classroom or closet, I wasn’t picky. When I managed to pull my gaze from his departing form, I saw that Taylor and Brittany stood there with dropped jaws; staring at me in disbelief.

  I purposely fluffed my hair—Pantene would be calling to get me into one of their commercials—before I said, “Yeah…” I let my eyes wander down the hall in the direction Damian had gone. “I’m thinking no on the hat.” Then I walked away, whistling as I did.

  The movie was terrifying as I curled myself up on the end of the sofa. I wanted a blanket, but I didn’t want the others to know I was scared.

  Damian sat on the other side of the sofa and every nerve in my body was tuned into him. After his silent rescue at school the other day, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. He was quiet, but what he did that day…I wanted to know the boy behind the silence. The urge to slide across the distance between us and cuddle up next to him was strong. I wanted his arm around my shoulders, his body pressed to mine. I wanted to bury my face in his chest when I was really scared. Part of the reason for the need to be close to him was fear of the movie, but that was a very small part.

  He stood and I had to bite my lip to keep from protesting. He had been coming around for a month, practically every day, and still he was so very quiet, often leaving without so much as a goodbye. I wasn’t ready for him to leave, just having him close made me ridiculously happy.

  It was tempting to twist my head to see where he was going, but I managed to keep my eyes on the television and the woman who was not centered in the frame of the video camera she held. I felt him before he walked in front of me and in his hands was a blanket. Wordlessly he handed it to me and then he settled back on the sofa, but instead of being on the opposite side, he sat right next to me…his body touching mine. I looked up at him and those pale eyes studied me right before a little grin pulled at his mouth. He rested his arm on the back of the sofa, the invitation clear. I didn’t hesitate, shifting into his body to press right up against him. He smelled good, not cologne or aftershave, just his natural scent. He was over six feet and surprisingly muscled for a seventeen-year-old. I felt a bit light-headed being so close to him even wishing I could be closer. I wanted to run my hand over his stomach and around his side, wanted my cheek on his shoulder or buried in the crook of his neck. I wanted him to shift us, pulling me under him so he could kiss me…my first real kiss. Instead I curled into him, savored his quiet strength and wished the same wish I had since he came into my life…that I could call him mine.

  I woke when my mother slammed open my bedroom door. I had been in the middle of a great dream featuring Thea. She felt so good pressed against me during that movie, which I hadn’t paid a damn bit of attention to because all I wanted was to pull her under me and kiss her. I wanted to do a hell of a lot more than kiss her, but I had to control that shit.

  The last remnants of the dream faded as I became fully awake. I jumped from my bed because I didn’t want to give my mother the more advantageous position.

  “Where have you been spending all of your time? There is shit that needs to be done around here.”

  She didn’t work, had managed to work the system for a nice monthly payout. As far as I was concerned she could clean the fucking house, especially since it was all her shit littering it.

  “Answer me you little fuck.”

  There was no way I was telling her about the Aherns, although there had been a few times I almost confessed everything to Mr. Ahern. He was a cop, he could make her stop, but he was also Thea’s father and if he knew what my home life was like, he might not let me hang with Thea or Cam anymore.

  “Do you have a girlfriend? Is that where you’re spending your time? You have responsibilities here, to me. I come first, not some cunt.” She tilted her head as a sneer curved her lips. “Who am I kidding? Your own mother can’t stand the sight of you, what am I worried about. You’re trash, anyone can see that.”

  She slammed the door closed behind her. Not even the memory of the dream made the knot in my stomach fade or the doubt that wormed in to taunt me. She was my mother and she thought I was trash. It was hard not to believe that there was some truth in her words.

  I dressed and grabbed my keys. My mother was on the sofa, passed out. I fisted my hands and had to force myself to walk past her. It would be so easy to stop her shit, so fucking easy. Instead I climbed into my car. The lights were off when I reached the gym, but I had a key. After a year of coming in almost daily, the owner trusted me with a key. I suspected he knew more about my home life than I’d shared. I parked in the back and headed inside, flipping on the light over the punching bags. Sometimes this was enough to calm the beast and sometimes it wasn’t.

  After school I stepped outside and saw the circle that had formed, heard the cheering and yelling. Fights happened often at school. I was never a bystander, but for some reason I was drawn to this one. I pushed through the crowd to find Damian in the center of it all, beating the crap out of another kid. It wasn’t just that he was fighting at school, but the cold look in his eyes that made my breath catch. I had never seen him look as he did then. As I watched, his body tensed seconds before his head lifted, his fist froze, and those eyes locked on mine. For a moment, I entertained the notion that he knew I was there before he’d even seen me. He then dropped the kid, grabbed his backpack and walked off—the circle separating for him to pass. Sure I crushed on Damian, but we had also grown into friends and he needed one then. I had to run to catch up and even after I settled in next to him, I didn’t immediately speak because I wasn’t sure what to say. Asking why he was fighting wasn’t really my business, so instead I decided to try to take his mind from whatever had brought on that ugly scene.

  “My friends and I are taking a poll on what mystery meat was served today. I think it was chicken but the color seemed off. It was pinker than chicken ought to be. Maybe it was something concocted in the biolab, an experiment to lower costs by creating a new meat-like substance that’s a fraction of the cost of real meat. Either way, covered in the flavorless gravy and runny mashed potatoes, it was a culinary disaster. Bright side, now I have room for sec
onds at dinner. I wonder what Mom is making tonight? And will there be dessert? I love dessert; a meal is not a meal without dessert. Don’t you agree?”

  I looked up at him, but his expression gave nothing away.

  “You should have seen my floor exercise in gymnastics today. The Olympic committee will be calling. I nailed it. No one can do a forward roll like me, my skill and artistry left my gym teacher speechless.”

  I got no reaction at all from Damian. My shoulders slumped as I stared down at the ground and muttered what I really wanted to say. “If you ever want to talk, I’m a great listener.”

  Silence followed for a beat or two before Damian said, “I didn’t get the mystery meat for lunch. I’ve made it a rule that if I can’t identify the substance, I don’t eat it.”

  My head jerked up to find him looking at me. “And it has been a long time since I watched skill and artistry that left me speechless. I’m sorry I missed your floor routine.”

  “You’ll see it when I claim the gold.”

  He gave me a little smile in reply.

  My smile wasn’t little, it went from ear to ear because the coldness of his expression was gone and I had been the one to make it go.

  I was in my room working on a sketch for art class. It was supposed to depict some church in Florence, but I had sketched Damian from the other day in that fight, the coldness of his eyes and the harsh lines of his face. I didn’t know much about his home life except that he lived with his mother and we never went to his house to hang out. I didn’t want to step over the line and invade his privacy, but I worried about him and suspected he had no one in his life looking out for him. I went in search of Dad. He was working from home today.

  He was behind his desk when I entered his study. “Do you have a minute?”

  “Sure.”

  I settled across from him.

  “What’s on your mind, kiddo?”

  “Can we keep this between us?”

  He leaned back in his chair, but he was giving me the serious Dad face. “Okay.”

  “Damian was in a fight the other day and I know kids fight, but this was different. And the fact that Cam and I have never been to his house...”

  “You think there’s abuse at home.”

  My eyes burned thinking about it. “He is too big and strong so it’s not likely he is physically abused now, but as a little boy. And you know there are other forms of abuse. You should have seen him at that fight. He was so cold Dad, so angry, but you’ve seen him here. He’s quiet, but he is polite and respectful; he’s kind.”

  “I have seen that. He’s a good kid.” He rubbed the back of his neck but I saw the anger. “Damian isn’t the kind of guy who wants people messing in his business.”

  “I know, but I think it would mean a lot to him to know he has more than just Cam and me.”

  “What are you asking me to do?”

  “Talk to him. He doesn’t have a father figure and I’m guessing he doesn’t even have a mother figure even with her living under the same roof.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Because if Cam or I spent as much time at a friend’s house as Damian does here, you and Mom would have introduced yourselves to his or her parents. If for no other reason than to know where we were spending our time.”

  “Good point.”

  “Cam and I take it for granted how awesome you and Mom are. Damian doesn’t have that.”

  He studied me for a minute. “Okay.” Then he smiled. “You’re a good person, Thea, and a good friend. Your old man is damn proud of you.”

  Thea was baking something, but the puff of smoke that came out of the oven was not a good sign.

  “Oh, come on.” She pulled the tray of burnt cookies from the oven and dropped it on the stove. That action, combined with her wild hair looking even more unruly, made it hard to keep from laughing out loud.

  “We can’t eat them. I incinerated them.” Thea was adorable when upset.

  “How the hell high do you have the oven? Are you trying to cremate something?”

  “You in a minute. I always wanted to be an only child.” Thea shot back at Cam.

  Before the two broke out into a fight amongst the ruins of the cookies Thea had spent the better part of an hour making, Mr. Ahern walked into the kitchen with a fire extinguisher. Thea huffed and leveled narrowed eyes on her dad.

  “It’s not that bad.”

  “I was asphyxiating on smoke in my study and that is on the other side of the house.”

  “That’s it. I’m not baking for you again, ever. Even when I become a master chef and make the most mouthwatering treats, none of you get any.” Her eyes turned to me and softened causing my chest to tighten. “I’ll bake for Damian because he is a gentleman and kept his comments to himself.”

  “Sorry, man. You should have said something.” Cam’s comment earned him a pot holder to the head.

  Mr. Ahern turned his attention on me. “Damian, do you have a minute?”

  Shit. My muscles tensed even as I rose and followed Mr. Ahern to his study. I knew it couldn’t last, but I really liked coming here. I didn’t want to take a seat, it would be faster to walk out if I was already standing, so I stood by his door.

  “Won’t you sit?”

  “I’m good here.”

  He moved around his desk and sat on the corner.

  “I don’t usually involve myself in other people’s business, not a big fan of people doing it to me, but I wanted to tell you that you are always welcome here. And if you ever need anything, even just someone to talk to, I’m here. We all are.”

  This was not the conversation I thought we would be having. My chest was tight again but in a good way.

  “You’re seventeen, almost an adult, but still figuring it out. I’ve been there and if you need help with anything…finding a job, applications for college, finding an apartment, please don’t hesitate to pick my brain.”

  I pushed my hands into the pockets of my jeans to hide that they were shaking. I hadn’t felt emotion this strongly since I was little and my dad walked out. But unlike then, this felt good, really fucking good.

  “Do you know what you want to do after high school?”

  “I want to join the army. I’ve already taken the test and have spoken with a recruiter.”

  “I won’t lie, that scares me a little given the state of the world. You’ve thought about that, right?”

  “Yeah, but I want to be a part of something that makes a difference.”

  “You’re a good man, Damian.”

  I actually wanted to cry. I lowered my head until I got a handle on it.

  “I won’t keep you, but my offer stands. You need anything, let me know.”

  I turned for the door because my eyes were bright, but I did say loud enough for him to hear, “Thank you, Mr. Ahern.”

  I walked right out the front door and went for a walk around the block to pull myself together. Never in my life would I have thought a man like Mr. Ahern would talk to me like he had. I had thought I didn’t need anyone, I had done well going it alone, but I hated being alone.

  “Hey.”

  My head snapped to Thea. I hadn’t heard her approach.

  “I thought you were staying for dinner. We won’t have dessert because I burned the damn cookies, but...”

  She drew her lower lip between her teeth and her big brown eyes glanced down. Understanding nearly knocked me over. She was nervous talking to me. This beauty was nervous around me?

  “I was just going for a walk.”

  “I’m sorry.” She pulled a hand through her hair and she looked back at her house before her focus came back on me. “I asked him to talk to you. I just…I don’t pretend to understand your home life, but I wanted you to know that we’re here. We are all here for you.”

  I thought Mr. Ahern’s words rocked me. Hearing that from Thea nearly brought me to my knees. And still I had to ask, “Why?”

  She worked her lower lip again, her focus
shifting away from me. “You’ve got the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen even with the sadness that lurks behind them. I’m kind of hoping that pain will fade if you hang with my crazy family.” Her eyes found mine. “If you hang with me.”

  She irrevocably marked me in that moment, like a brand. I’d never been so fucking happy to be burned. I had to actually work at not falling all over myself for this girl, though I suspected she’d catch me if I did. “I’d like that.” She exhaled, as if in relief, and I wanted to pull her into my arms and kiss her. Instead, I teased her, “Even without the cookies.”

  She flashed me a smile. “I’d be willing to try the cookies again.”

  “Maybe Cam should be the taster.”

  Her smile turned wicked. “Good idea.”

  I stuffed the last of my things in a bag. I had made several trips already. I was moving out. As soon as I turned eighteen, I called Mr. Ahern and he helped me find an apartment. It wasn’t much to look at, but it was mine. The Ahern family was even now at my new place. Mrs. Ahern was determined to turn the shit apartment into a comfortable and welcoming home…her words.

  The plan had always been to enlist after graduating, but I could admit I wasn’t in so much of a hurry and the reason was the beauty with the wild hair. I was addicted to her goodness, to her smile and laugh. She had gone to her dad. She knew me well enough to know I needed help. Nothing could come of it. I wasn’t in the same league as her, but for the first time in my life I felt connected to someone and that was a heady fucking feeling and not one I was ready to walk away from.