His Light in the Dark Read online

  “Aunt Dee bought them for me. They look like diamonds, don’t they?”

  “They do.”

  “It’s like what the princesses wear when they get married. When I get married, I want a pair of sparkly shoes with really big heels. Oh I can’t wait to get married just to get those shoes.”

  Daddy chuckled. “Think you can get the shoes without needing to get married.”

  “No, the man has to buy them for you and help you into them like the prince in Cinderella.”

  Daddy was going to say something, but didn’t. We sat for a few minutes in silence before he said, “I’m going to invite Cole to spend time with us. Are you okay with that?”

  “Yeah. His daddy hit him because he broke a glass.”

  Daddy’s face turned red, a sign he was getting really mad. “He broke a glass?”

  “Yep.”

  “Jesus.”

  “A daddy shouldn’t hit.”

  “I know.”

  “He said he was used to it, that his daddy did it a lot.”

  Daddy’s hands fisted again, so I reached for the one closest. His big hand opened to take mine into it, his hold firm but gentle.

  “We’ll let him know he’s welcome in our house as often as he wants.”

  “Okay. I’ll make him a peanut butter, fluff and banana sandwich. That’ll make him happy.” That was my favorite sandwich; sometimes I ate it without the bread.

  Daddy laughed; my tummy, that was hurting, suddenly felt better hearing Daddy’s laugh. “I think he’d like that.”

  Cole hung out with Daddy whenever he was outside and Daddy was outside a lot more than he usually was in the week that followed that night. They sat at the back table talking; Cole even helped Daddy with tending the yard. I didn’t see Cole’s daddy, was happy for that since I think I might have walked over and kicked him in the shins with my pretty pink shoes.

  I wanted to be with them, wanted to sit next to Cole, maybe even hold his hand, because he looked so sad. His face still had purple and yellow spots, the cut under his eye was still healing, but it was his pretty blue eyes that looked the worst. There was no light in them. Eyes that pretty should sparkle, like my shoes, but they were dark, like he was lost and couldn’t find his way. It made my heart hurt, being lost in the dark was my biggest fear and Cole seemed to be living that nightmare. I didn’t see my necklace, but I hoped he had it.

  They hadn’t eaten lunch, so I jumped up from my spot on the deck and ran into the kitchen. I made a mess making the sandwiches, but they looked good, the fluff and peanut butter oozing out of the sides. Grabbing two juice boxes, I put everything on a tray and carefully walked it outside. Daddy saw me first and grinned.

  “Mia.”

  “I made you lunch.”

  Daddy took the tray from me, his eyes going wide at the sight of the sandwiches. He sounded excited when he said, “These look really…good.”

  “I made them extra special.” I looked over at Cole, who was staring at me, but there was no expression on his face. “Hi, Cole.”

  “Mia.”

  “I made you lunch. It’s my favorite sandwich ever.”

  Daddy placed Cole’s plate in front of him and his eyes went wide too. I did really good. “Is that fluff?”

  “Yeah and peanut butter and bananas.” I leaned closer to him and added, “I put chocolate sauce on yours too.”

  His eyes turned to me and for just a second I saw a light in them as his lips curved up on the one side, “Thanks, Mia.”

  “Yep.”

  I sat down next to Cole, across from Daddy, and watched as they ate their sandwiches. They did it really slowly, like they were savoring them. My heart felt too big, I really did do good because for just a second, Cole didn’t look lost.

  Sitting out back, I watched as Cole helped Daddy pack up the tools. He’d been helping Daddy fix the deck. Daddy disappeared inside, but Cole stood a while longer looking at the work they had done. Though I wondered if he wasn’t just afraid to go home; if I lived with his daddy, I wouldn’t want to go home either.

  Joining him, I put my hands on my hips like he was doing. “It looks pretty.”

  He turned at the sound of my voice, looking like I felt when I had to talk in front of my classroom, nervous. His reply was so soft I almost didn’t hear it. “It does.”

  “You must be hungry. I know when Daddy works that hard, he’s always hungry.”

  A little grin turned up his lips and he seemed a little less nervous. “Yeah, I should get home.”

  “Have dinner here.”

  “I couldn’t.”

  “Daddy!”

  He appeared at the back door, looking as if he had run from wherever he’d been. Oops. Realizing I wasn’t in danger, his eyes narrowed. “Mia, you know how I feel about you screaming like that.”

  “Sorry. Can Cole stay for dinner?”

  Daddy turned his focus on Cole. “Sure.”

  “I couldn’t.”

  “With your help, that took half the time. The least I can do is feed you.”

  “Just say yes.” I grabbed Cole’s hand and pulled him toward the door. “I have to set the table.”

  When we reached the kitchen, Daddy was taking a pan from the cabinet. “Wash up, Cole. Mia, get the crushed tomatoes. Cole, the garlic and meat from the refrigerator.”

  “Daddy’s making gravy.” I said to Cole.

  “You ever make gravy, Cole?” Daddy asked.

  “No.”

  “Do you want to learn?”

  “Yeah.”

  “This is a quick gravy, usually it simmers all day.”

  I sat on the counter as Daddy showed Cole how to cook up the meat, brown the garlic, add the wine and crushed tomatoes, the red pepper and salt, a touch of sugar. I knew how to make it, Daddy had already showed me, and so my attention was on Cole’s expression because it was like Daddy had just given him the secret to how to find the end of a rainbow. Daddy did that kind of thing with me all the time, even when he was fixing something with the car, he taught me as he went. Did Cole’s daddy not do that? Daddy gave each of us a spoonful to taste and Cole’s eyes went wide.

  “That’s delicious.”

  “Now you know how to make it.”

  “Thanks, Mr. Donati.”

  “Call me Mace.”

  I didn’t know what Cole was thinking, but the look on his face put a smile on mine. Daddy boiled up the macaroni and between him and Cole, they ate the entire pound minus the little bit I had. After dinner, Cole helped us clean up the kitchen before we settled in the living room.

  “My movie pick.” I called and hurried to the television to my selection of VHS tapes and DVDs. “I think Snow White.”

  “Princesses again?”

  “Yep.”

  My daddy groaned, but it was my choice so he had to watch it. I watched his movies when it was his pick.

  “When it’s Mia’s pick, it’s always princesses. Cole gets to pick the next one, break up the princesses a bit.”

  “Okay, but I think Cole’s going to like my princesses.”

  “Doubtful.” Cole said, but he was smiling.

  I watched the whole movie; Daddy and Cole both fell asleep halfway through. Their loss.

  Daddy owned a garage and it was my second favorite place to be, outside of home, because Dylan worked there and he was like family. Cole came to the garage with us that day and fiddled with a car part that Daddy had handed him when we arrived. I liked that he came out with us. And even though it had only been a couple of weeks since that first night, his eyes sparkled a lot more now.

  Playing with Daddy’s tools, some of them were so pretty and shiny and if I put my nose right up against them, I looked funny. Daddy had lots of them. Did he like seeing himself in the shiny silver too? They rolled, far. I lost a few. One fell down the hole in the floor and even though I was seven, I wasn’t allowed to go near that hole. Daddy would never miss it; he had tons.

  It was just Daddy and me. I didn’t have a m
ommy. I think I did once, but she left. Daddy didn’t talk about her, like not ever. I used to think it was because he was sad, but I heard Daddy and Aunt Dee talking, even though I’m not suppose to listen when the grown ups are talking—I was too curious for my own good was what Daddy said—but sometimes they’re so loud it’s hard not to hear. Daddy didn’t like Mommy; Aunt Dee didn’t either. She left me, so I didn’t like her either.

  “Mia!”

  I looked up to see my daddy. He was a giant. He had that look on his face too, the one where I was in trouble. He didn’t yell, but he got really sad eyes. I didn’t like to see Daddy with sad eyes, so I tried to be good…always. He had pictures all over his arms and even my name.

  “What have I told you about playing with my tools?”

  “They’re so pretty.”

  “They’re called sockets, Mia, I need them for my ratchet. My ratchet isn’t much use to me if I can’t find the shiny pieces. Dylan was in the hole and almost got clocked in the head with one. He doesn’t have much going on for him as it is, he needs what brain he has left.”

  “Heard that, Mace.”

  “Wasn’t trying to hide it, Dyl.”

  I wanted to laugh because Daddy was funny, Cole was laughing, but I was getting in trouble, so I tried really hard to keep my lips still.

  “What are the words I need to hear from you?”

  “I won’t touch your tools again.”

  “And?”

  Oh, he was going to make me promise. I hated when he made me promise because you couldn’t go back on a promise. Not ever.

  “Mia?”

  “I promise.”

  “That’s my girl. I have to finish up on the Corvette and then we’ll go to dinner at Vincent’s. How’s that sound, Cole?”

  “Sounds good.”

  Wanting to be like Cole, I said “Sounds good to me too, Daddy.” Vincent made the best chicken because it had lots of yummy red sauce and melted cheese.

  Daddy leaned over and kissed my head. I liked the way he smelled. It was like the shop, oil and car stuff, but then there was my daddy’s smell under it.

  “Love you, peanut.”

  My heart felt like it was going to explode, like the Grinch’s when it grew three sizes and he saved Christmas. Every time my daddy said he loved me, I felt like a happy Grinch.

  “Love you back.”

  After that first time when Cole had dinner at our house, he came nearly every day. I liked having him over because he was my friend and he spoke to me as much as he did with Daddy, maybe more. And as the months passed, he even started sleeping on our sofa. I wished we had another bedroom for him, since I didn’t think the sofa was all that comfortable. Cole often played with me, even being Prince Charming to my Cinderella. Today I wanted to play Barbie, but Cole wasn’t cooperating.

  “Cole, Ken isn’t supposed to die. He’s the one to save Barbie and they live happily ever after. Stop running him over with my Barbie car.”

  “I’d think Barbie would have better taste. Ken’s a pansy. And what’s he saving her from, shopping?”

  “That’s a bad word. And no, he’s not saving her from shopping. She likes shopping. He’s saving her from being alone. She doesn’t want to be alone.”

  Cole’s face changed, his laughter dying.

  “Cole, what’s wrong?”

  “You’re not alone, Mia. You’ve got your dad, Aunt Dee and Dylan.”

  “And you. Don’t forget you.”

  “I’m not family.”

  “Sure you are. You’re here more than Aunt Dee and she’s my aunt. I like having you here; I like you, Cole.”

  His voice sounded funny when he said, “I like you too, Mia.”

  “Good, now stop killing Ken. He doesn’t like it.”

  Later that night I wanted a glass of water so I tiptoed through the living room, but really I wanted to see Cole sleeping. I had a few times, snuck in when he was sleeping, because he looked happy in his sleep. I stopped just behind the sofa and peered over at him only to find him awake, his eyes on me. I jumped back, stumbled and fell on my butt. He was off the sofa and kneeling at my side in a heartbeat.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What are you doing out here?”

  “Getting a glass of water.”

  He grinned. I liked when he grinned. “There’s no water on the sofa.”

  “Fine, you caught me. I like watching you sleep.”

  His face got funny, like he was confused or something. “Why?”

  “You look happy.”

  He studied me for a minute and his voice sounded funny when he said, “I am happy.”

  “How old are you?”

  “Twelve.”

  “Wow, you’re really old.” Moving closer, I looked really hard at his face.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Looking for wrinkles. At twelve you should have a lot.”

  “I’m twelve, not forty. Your dad’s twenty-four and he doesn’t have wrinkles either.”

  “I know. He says it’s magic.”

  Cole chuckled. “Do you want me to get you a glass of water?”

  “I really don’t want water.”

  “I didn’t think so. You ready to go back to bed?”

  “No. Want to watch a movie?”

  “Princesses?” he asked.

  I wanted to watch princesses, but I knew Cole didn’t like them. “We can watch something else.”

  He sat back on his heels and looked at me a minute. “How about the Little Mermaid II?”

  I knew my face lit up, I felt it. “Really, my new DVD?”

  “Yep.”

  I threw my arms around him because he actually wanted to watch a princess movie. His body went still, I felt as he tensed, and then his arms moved around me and he held on, like it was the first time he’d ever been hugged.

  “I’m glad you’re here, Cole.”

  His voice sounded odd again when he whispered, “Me too.”

  If I stayed really quiet, he’d forget I was here. He hadn’t started in on the whiskey, just beer, which meant he had a woman coming over. That was always a good thing because he never bothered me when a woman was over. It was only after she’d leave, especially if the night hadn’t gone well, that he’d take his frustrations out on me. I asked him once why he didn’t just give me up since he clearly hated me. His answer had sent chills through me, honestly it still did. He said I’d ruined his life so he intended to ruin mine. Wasn’t sure what I had done and could only assume I had ruined it by being born.

  For nearly a year, life almost felt idyllic because I had spent much of that time with the Donatis. That day, almost a year ago, Dad had messed up—smacking me around while we were still outside. I’d never seen anything like it; this huge muscled and tatted guy came out of nowhere and charged my dad like a raging bull. I’d seen rage, but it was usually directed at me. To see the same in defense of me, I’d never forget the fear in Dad’s eyes. Someone who was bigger and stronger than him in full out fury, hell bent on teaching him the lesson he so loved to mete out on me, and from a man who didn’t even know me. Up until that point in my life, no one had cared what happened to me and I thought no one ever would.

  I was wrong.

  Mace became like a god to me in that moment; I’d sell my soul for him if he asked me to. And after I met Mia, I never knew a family could be like that. Even though it was just Mace and Mia, there was love there. It was only my dad and I, my mom had left like Mia’s mom, but unlike me, Mia had a really great dad. I wished sometimes that he were my dad too.

  Thanksgiving was in a few days; I had never had a real Thanksgiving. The Donatis had invited me to join them; Aunt Dee and Dylan would be there too, a real family Thanksgiving. I wanted to go, wanted that more than I’ve ever wanted anything, so I had to remain out of sight and stay as quiet as possible so as to not draw attention. Especially since my dad hated the Donatis after Mace had shown him up. The fact that he hadn’t pitched a fit
about me spending time with them, even knowing he was usually too drunk to notice or care, concerned me because it was only a matter of time before it did become an issue.

  Mia had promised to show me how to decorate the perfect gingerbread man; hers would no doubt have too much pink and sparkles on it. For a girl who had a dad like Mace, she really was very girly. And despite her odd love of princesses and all that was glittery, I craved her company; had even sat through countless viewings of her princess movies, because her innocence cast its own light. Like in her movies, Mace and Mia were my guardian angels, my light in the dark. Her medallion, the one she had given me the night we first met, was pinned on the inside of my shirt. Had I worn it around my neck, it would have just been one more way for my dad to hurt me, but I was never without it. Even if it was all in my head, it had become my talisman, made me feel strong even when reality was quite the opposite.

  At the sound of the doorbell, I relaxed my shoulders because Dad’s date was here. One night down and only three to go.

  Leaning back in my chair, I stared at all the food still on the table. I had eaten my body weight in food, knew everyone else had too, including Mia, and it looked as if we barely ate a thing.

  “Do you always eat this much food?”

  “Yep. We’ll have turkey sandwiches for days.” Mace said and I noticed he was also leaning back in his chair, easing his overfilled stomach no doubt.

  “I’ve never eaten so much food in one sitting before.”

  “You’ll be hungry in a few hours and then we’ll have pie and gingerbread cookies.” Aunt Dee said right as Mia yawned, one so big it took up her whole face.

  “Pie and cookies. I love pie and cookies, but I need a nap first.”

  “Me too.” Dylan said as he pushed from the table. “Let’s put on one of your movies, Mia, that’ll knock me right out.”

  “Hey.” Mia protested while the rest of us laughed because it was true, her movies were the best cure for insomnia.

  After pie and gingerbread—Aunt Dee had been right, I had grown hungry again—I headed home after what had been the best day I’d ever had. Dylan was crashing at Mace’s and even though Mia had offered me her room, said she’d sleep on the floor in the living room, she had had a long day and looked completely wiped. My lips turned up into a smile thinking of her eyes, heavy with sleep, while she insisted that she really wasn’t all that tired.